2 new tiaras have made their way into my house …
One for each daughter to wear to the upcoming Daddy/Daughter Dance.
I am pretty sure these tiaras mean more to me than they do to Marco or either girl. They represent something I never truly had; an involved father.
I love my dad more than anything. I know he tried. I know he did the best he knew how, especially with his very weird work schedule (he rotated days and nights so we rarely saw him).
My desire, even as a 40 year old married woman with 5 kids, is to please him and make him proud of me. I still feel like a little kid around him; I want him to notice me. Everything single thing I do, I do for his approval.
Despite always asking, he never did anything like this (a daddy/daughter dance) with me. He danced with me once at my wedding.
He never went to my concerts, plays, games, … I’m not saying he didn’t give me extravagant gifts or life changing opportunities. He did. I appreciate each one more than you can ever know. Sometimes, however, it is little things that make the bigger impact on a person’s soul.
I love my dad and I logically know he simply struggles with showing his love for me (and everyone else). He thinks gifts are the best way to say “I love you” or “I’m sorry” or whatever emotion he can’t vocalize. What I always wanted and needed was for him to dance with me, come to my concerts, cheer me on at my games …
I still desperately want him to be proud and approve, but I fall short every time.
My dad and I have a story and it is ours. Most of it is messy, but there are some really nice parts too; like the one time he acted silly and he piggy-backed my down the aisle at my rehearsal dinner. It was completely out of character for him and it is one of my favorite memories of him. I accept our story, but it doesn’t mean I want the same story for my daughters and Marco is well aware of that fact. This is why this dance is ridiculously important to me. It is the girls’ first dance ever and they get to go with the best man in the world.
I always wanted my husband to be the dad who did things with his daughters, like dress up in ties and tiaras (which happens to be the dance theme) and dance the night away. I wanted them to have the dad who went to their concerts and plays and what-not.
They have all of that and more. They get nightly piggy-back rides to bed, special songs sung to them, random dancing in the living room, and so much more. The girls love their daddy and he is amazing at making time for each child (not an easy feat with 5 kids). They want to go to the dance and so he is bringing them. I confess I get jealous at times. Not bitter. I just wish I had what they have with their daddy.
This dance is the closest I will ever get to a daddy/daughter dance, so I although neither girl expected or asked for a tiara, I bought them each one. I will dress them up and put make-up on them and do their hair fancy and make them feel like royalty. I will love and cherish each second of getting them ready. I get to live my dream out through them. I hope one day they look back and see how very lucky they are to have Marco as their daddy.
Now excuse me while I go put one of their tiaras on while I do housework.
~Andrea
#bekindalways
#youhavepurpose
*written 3/28/18*
UPDATE:
The girls and their daddy. Be still my heart.
The 11 year old doesn’t like dresses so we shopped for a beautiful pants outfit. The top is so feminine and perfect on her!
They had an amazing time. The girls got to dance with their daddy.
The 8 year old was a social butterfly, flitting around and dancing with her friends. The 11 year old had a blast with her friends. They all did the Chicken Dance.
It might not have been my dance, but I love a man in a suit and had to get a picture before the moment disappeared.
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