Where are the Sunshine and Daisies?

This post isn’t about my everyday life. It isn’t about my amazing kids. It is about my bad mood. If you are looking to be uplifted then I recommend you stop reading right now because this post isn’t a sunshine and daisies post. This post is full of the hurt that I am feeling today.

When Mark and I married I knew we would move a lot. At the time I was OK with that. I never thought, however, that we would move 13 times in 15 years….OK some of that was silliness that could have been avoided. Those first 2 places we lived in right after we got married we were actually house-sitting. In hindsight we should have skipped those first 2 places and just moved into our first apartment, which was instead our third abode. Still, the rest really couldn’t have been avoided. The 13th hasn’t even happened yet, but we are in the process of it. Sadly I think there will have to be one or two more moves after this next one and I am pretty sure one of those will happen within the year. Who knows, maybe I am wrong.

We are moving back to MO but we are in no shape to buy a forever home. This is my dream; a forever home. I desperately want a place where my kids can grow up. A place that gives them a stability they have never really known.

I know we are not unique. Military families have it far worse. That knowledge doesn’t change my bad mod though. I am so angry. I am tired of living out of boxes. I am tired of packing tape and paper to wrap items in and I am sick of bubble wrap. Even my kids do not get as much joy out of the obnoxious popping that they used to and age is not a factor in that. They have popped more bubble wrap than you can imagine.

I am jealous of my friends who own houses and are selling those perfectly fine places so they can simply “upgrade.” Do not get me wrong, they have every right to do this and I really am happy for them most of the time. I totally understand the need for more space, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am jealous of what they have and I don’t. Part of me wants to scream at them and remind them just how d**n lucky they are to even own a house. Of course I won’t do this though because it isn’t their fault I am jealous.

Life is fragile

Picture compliments of my talented friend, Shannon AKA TheBohemainHomebody https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheBohemianHomebody?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Every night at dinner we say Grace. The kids have taken to praying “…and please help us find our forever home.”

It breaks my heart every.single.time. It tells me that they are feeling the stress of instability. They crave security and we are epicly failing in providing that for them right now. People keep telling us the kids are resilient. Really? Where is your proof because what I am seeing is a bunch of kids who are hurting.

So here I sit in a bad mood. I didn’t unpack much when we moved into this temporary shelter, but I did unpack our homeschool stuff. Today I started to pack it all back up. I will leave out summer workbooks and their math, but everything else is getting packed away. At one point I was packing some reading books and the sudden urge to throw everything against the wall consumed me. I had to walk away. I came back 5 minutes later, slightly calmer, but still angry at the crummy situation we are in.

This is my way to vent. Mark has enough worries so I won’t burden him with this. I really don’t want the kids to see me angry so I will let my keyboard take the brunt of it all instead. It sucks. Being homeless sucks. Being unsure of the future sucks. Moving sucks. Right now, in this moment, it all just sucks. This is where I am right this second.

This is my life unfolding. I have no clue what will happen next but I ask that as we wait for it that you all pray for us. I do not need a big fancy house. I just need a place to hang my hat and a yard for the kids to run freely. A place to call home.


15 thoughts on “Where are the Sunshine and Daisies?

  1. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Do it again. Go outside and look around. Find a flower. Realize that the best is yet to come!

  2. Oh sweetheart, I can relate. My dad was a pastor with Restless Ministry Syndrome. Always looking for the next biggest, best, easiest church that would fit his needs. It was hard. When I was 15 we had moved as many times as my age. But… It has taught me a lot. Adaptability. Easy acceptance of change. How to love where I am and what I have. I can relate to the longing for stability and that “forever home”. You’ll have that one day. Thank you for supporting your husband despite how hard it is for you… He needs that, I’m sure. When you finally plant those roots on your settled home, it’ll be that much sweeter.

  3. (((HUGS))) Vent away, mama! You have been through a lot and, while I may not be in your exact situation, I have shared similar feelings of frustrations. One thing that really helped me was making a list of all the things I am thankful for. Some days my list was honestly only two items long (1. my husband, 2. my kids), but slowly I found more and more things to be thankful for. Praying for you guys as you go through this journey, and praying you get your mama-heart’s desire!!!

  4. Right now, after I say my Amen for you and your family, I will tell you this. If you heed this advice, there will be work for Mark and a home for you guys. Might not happen all at once, but the prospect is there.
    First of all, New York has great Social Service benefits for families. Second, housing. As for owning your first home, there are dozens of liviable homes siting empty that the city owns.
    Buffalo if filled with remarkable charity groups doing many things for the poor to help them weather the storms of life and if you can stand a little snow in the winter, you’ll make it in Buffalo.
    Just letting you know. As far as jobs ther are some and more than out west especially for someone who has drive.
    Wishing you all well!!!

  5. prayers and hugs …life has given you lemons and hopeful you have the time to make lemon-aid
    i know the feeling of the hopelessness i have kept my kids in there hometown but am running out of options on that i just pray that it will be enough

  6. We are starting to enter a period of uncertainty because my husband is out of a job at the end of the month. We may move but there are days when we’re unsure about that too. It all depends on if we can sell our house and become renters…yes, we’re trying to get rid of the house and stability that you’re so desperately craving in hopes to move closer to more family.

    Thank you for being so brutally honest and reminding me that some days it is not okay. I don’t have to have my chin up and pretend that everything is alright. I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know you….but you will be in my prayers as you try to navigate through another move.

  7. I understand the envy, totally: I am susceptible to the same thing (and the accompanying guilt feelings!) when I see how large and perfect and well-appointed other people’s homes are and how not all that mine is; how I have to work constantly to keep it from falling apart. I feel justified, and yet also wrong … it’s uncomfortable.
    About the kids: my family moved every 2 to 3 years as I was growing up: a new school every other year (and I was very shy) … but we had our parents and each other (me and my brothers) and that was out stability. Maybe there was stress, but there was also a strong feeling of being in it together, which has never left us!

  8. Sorry if you get this twice. Something happened to the last post. Anyway, I want to say that where we live there are lots of jobs and some very high paying… yes rent is high but hey it’s summer… It’s a small Western town, pretty nice once you get to know folks. There is a home school community. Send me an email if you want specifics and you can investigate from internet. Sorry it sucks right now – it will get better!!

  9. I am a Montessori teacher and I, too, have moved a lot. Part of me enjoys seeing the country and I have even worked in another country. My daughter doesn’t want to move again. However, here I am again. I didn’t ask the write questions during the interview and I am working in a situation that feels unethical. I am contemplating starting my own school. I haven’t got a husband and don’t mind that too much. Anyhow, I believe children are resilient. I believe you set the tone and I even believe the corny saying that home is where the heart is. If you are homeless or in a shelter,than I really cannot completely relate. I have been lucky to have family to help. However, I am only one paycheck away from being homeless. My dad was not a super religious guy, but he did once say, “God Will Provide,” and I have found it to be true most of the time. Our country is spoiled. Wanting a forever home…I want it, too. In order to be thankful, though, look at other nations of wandering and displaced people. Somebody told me that roughly 75% of the world’s families live in one room.
    I have become proud of having less and a smaller home. A big home and lots of belongings? Those folks are using up world resources for temporary gratification. Trust me, their children aren’t any happier or well-balanced. To maintain that life takes a lot of work and time away from family. And you sure wouldn’t be washing your clothing on a wash board. Breathe. Walk. Listen to music. Smell your child’s puppy smelling scalp. Life is short.

    • Thank you ❤

      Right now we are in a house that is not ours. It isn't a shelter, but it is a temporary home; not ours. We are thankful for it, but at the same time quite aware it isn't our home.
      A forever home to us is not a fancy house. It is a permanent location. My husband and I were actually just talking about living in a smaller home. We are perfectly OK with smaller so long as it means we do not have to uproot our kids again.

      Yes, resilient, but everyone reaches a breaking point and I hope I do not find my kids'

      I pray things work out for you ❤ I very much understand the difficulties

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